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Reading My Late Mother’s Diary Changed Everything I Thought I Knew About My Life

Reading My Late Mother’s Diary Changed Everything

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Growing up, my childhood was overshadowed by my mother’s extreme frugality. Though we lived comfortably—my father held a stable job as a regional manager and my mother worked as a nurse—she was consumed by an obsession with saving every penny. Her constant cost-cutting felt oppressive, especially when it meant saying no to simple joys my father and I cherished. I grew to resent her, unable to understand the motive behind her tight grip on money.

My father, Henry, was my anchor—warm, generous, and full of life. When he died suddenly during my teenage years, I was devastated. After that, any remaining connection with my mother unraveled completely. The final straw came when she emptied the college fund meant for my future. I was furious and swore I’d never forgive her.

It wasn’t until after her passing that everything changed.

While going through her belongings, I found her diary. In those pages, the version of her I thought I knew began to unravel. She wrote of the hidden burden she carried: my father’s gambling problem. For years, she had quietly taken on his debts, desperately trying to keep our family afloat. One entry struck me deeply: “I had to take the money from Cara’s fund… It was the only way to save our home.”

Reading those words, my anger dissolved into sorrow. The woman I had seen as cold and selfish had, in reality, been shielding me from a painful truth. She bore the weight alone so that I wouldn’t have to. In becoming the villain in my eyes, she had, in her own way, protected me. What I once saw as cruelty was actually love in disguise.

And now, all I feel is regret for not understanding her sooner.

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